Friday, July 21, 2006

aka One Man's Justice
100min / 1995

Bosworth Baction

The Plot:

The Boz is John North a military officer with a loving wife and daughter. That is until, his family witnesses a crime in progress and are heartlessly killed by a man named Pony. The Boz is shot twice and left for dead. It’s not enough and after he wakes up from a coma six weeks later, it’s bad news for the bad guys. John North has nothing to lose. The crime (if you were wondering) was a heisting of a new military proto-type guns and ammo. A twist happens where the bad guys get the guns stolen from them by another set of anonymous, not really worth mentioning bad guys. So Pony and his bad guy boss Karl have the proto-type ammo but not the proto-type guns so both halves are useless without the other. Karl, the mastermind bad guy, complete with nose piercing and long hair, just “happens” to be an FBI agent and plans to sell the guns to a bad-ass drug lord played by MC ‘freakin’ Hammer!!! The minute the Boz meets Karl he knows he’s crooked and spends the rest of the movie tracking down the ammo before the other interested parties with the help of a good hearted but involved with a street gang, 13-year-old black kid.

The Lowdown:

Say what you will with my love of Brian Bozworth and all, I liked this flick a lot more than I should’ve. It’s a little short on action. Below, as you can see, there’s only one Explosion Alert and that’s never a good thing. That being said, the dialogue in this movie is AMAZING.

MC Hammer: “Don’t you realize the only way you ever gonna
talk again is through one of them straight-up psychic bitches?”

Response: “Then I guess I’ll be able to tell you all how your
fat black mamma is suckin my dick in hell.”

The real fun of the film is the 13-year-old boy storyline. It’s rather hard to take a 13-year-old boy seriously as it is, much less believing him as a gangster carting around cocaine, heroin and guns. I couldn't get enough of that. The Boz (sans mullet) looks kinda like he’s channeling Viggo Mortenson and is rather subdued in his preformance, but the FBI demon looking bad guy does his part for the Baction genre. At one point he’s talking on the phone and writes down KILL MARCUS on his notepad in his FBI office, as if he’s going to forget! I know you're asking about MC Hammer. You should be asking “Why does MC Hammer want the guns?” ….so he can mow down the feds at an annual softball game between the FBI department and the DA office!!!!!


I know what you're thinking and you're right:
This pic was taken before The Boz's wife and daughter were killed.

I've never met an FBI agent that didn't look like this.

Visual evidence of a bad-ass.

MC Hammer, before he found God.
(that guy has a plastic bag over his head and is dead.)
(get it?)

In case it slips your mind...

Not really sure if this is classified as a flame-thrower.

Even the catcher brings his gun to the FBI/DA softball game.

Things To Watch For:
0:08 - ‘Fall out.’ Emphasis on fall.
0:15 - “You follow Mohammad Ali doncha?
You don’t dance that well.” Bang!
0:17 - “Citibank don’t wait. Nor do I.” Bang!
0:23 - “You’re going to be in my dog and pony show
until the pony dies, Pony.”
0:25 - I guess the FBI is hiring Satan’s pilgrims…
0:31 - He just happens to have one ‘trial’ kilo of coke lyin’ around?
0:31 - Damn, the streets of LA are super harsh!
0:49 - Mikey is the gansta shit.
0:53 - Pre-Bozworth Ass-Whooping:
“911… I’m going to need 5 ambulances right away.”
1:00 - Explosion Alert!! Finally. It’s worth the wait.
1:10 - The only way to open a trunk.
1:13 - “It’s illegal to be driving dead sir.” Bang!
1:22 - Double steal!
1:23 - “Lets kill some cops.” Music to my ears.
1:26 - Heroin looks exactly like cocaine…
1:28 – “Not until the fat lady sings pony and I’m the fat lady pony.”
1:35 - Nut job—that’s my pun!


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